my life isn't interesting. no one would ever want to record it for reality t.v. i will never have a plethera of blog followers. i will never write a bestselling book. my words may never be seen by more than a handful of people.

does that make me less signifcant? I don't have profound statements. I don't have stories of great love. or of terrible heartbreak. (okay i do but i don't think blog world wants to hear me whine about a story that's two years old) or of my small child who has done something new today.

i do have a few stories about random events of my day. plunging a toilet in fact. what an awesome way to start out a night of work. but who wants to hear that story? no one. and honestly i really don't want to tell it. it was gross and embarassing (for the guest and myself) and so not worth re-telling.

i read blogs like www.mattlogelin.com and i want to curl up in a ball and just cry. it makes me not want to fall in love...for fear of losing it. but i look at a guy like matt. so real. so forthcoming. and a little part of me is jealous. what?!?! jealous of a widower left to raise a beautiful daughter all on his own? a man who has struggled everyday of the past year to begin life again with out the love of his life, the mother of his absolutely beautiful daughter. yes, i am selfishly jealous of him. that he found the true love of his life. that he spent 12 beautiful and blissful years with her. That he is the father to this absolutely beautiful daughter. that his daily blog is read by millions daily. I'm jealous of all these small things but grossly I am jealous of his making a difference. His words have affforded comfort to many in a similar situation. and has shed light for those who may not fully be able to comprehend the situation and what it brings. His life has made a difference. He can make me cry. He can make me laugh. all through words on a screen.

and then i turn around and look at myself. what have i done?!

i think i'm just meant to be a worker bee in this hive they call earth. I'll always be an extra. never the main character. now i just have to come to terms with that...