the wild.

some days you just need a good cry/heart to heart. today was one of those days. my life lately has seemed without purpose. living each day for the next and at the end looking back at nothing. today i watched into the wild. i haven't cried that hard since the last time my heart was broken. i've always had a soft spot for adaptations of true stories but this one really, really hit home. i won't go into gory detail about the movie and dissect each part, but the one spot where i think i was hit the most was near the very end. he was writing between the lines of a book and because of his weakend state his writing was labored and slow, dragging the emotion out all the more, 'happiness only real unless shared.' and waterworks...and only slightly because i am single.
the movie was followed by an intense heart to heart conversation between myself and two of my very good friends. this past year has been one where i have learned the most about myself and releasing some of those thoughts and emotions that have been muddling in my brain for so long felt good. i am no where near knowing all there is of me but i guess that is one great adventure in life.

right now my ambition is to find purpose. maybe not quite to the extreme that chris/alex used but maybe that is why i started this blog. to have a place where i can empty my thoughts and try, somehow, to make sense of them all. my life is here for something...

music has always been my therapy. as i sit here i hear the song 'over and under' by egypt central. i am not surprised that you don't know of them but the song exemplifies some of what i feel. 'i can finally stand, i can finally breathe.' burden has kept me down for so long and i can finally say i feel like i can stand and breathe. i know that it will take so much more than a movie or a song or a good cry for the burden to be completely lifted (and maybe it never will be) but i am taking steps forward. see also 'gravity' by sara bareilles.

i have so much more to figure out but baby steps are a place to start:)

love is uphill
never a chance to take a break
only press forward
self is my obstacle

this is me...

just a quick view into the life of amanda...

I
I love cheese.
I love doing laundry.
I love my bed.
I am straightforward.
I am a sarcastic person who takes things too literally sometimes.
I am oblivious.
I hate making decisions but do it quite often for other people.
I love people who make me laugh. even more, people who can challenge me to think/grow/be.
I love my family more than anything!
I am not someone to sit back and wait for things to happen. I make them happen.
I love to cozy up with a great book or great tunes or both!
I will do anything for my true friends:):):)
I am an ESFJ.
I don't play games.
I am bad at keeping in touch...:( (working on it!)
I am an amazing navigator. with just a wee bit of road rage:o)
I am sick of working weekends...i want them back...
I think my biggest weakness is men who smell good.
I will move to europe if hilary is elected president.
I would say that the best feeling in the world is slowly waking up, fully rested. looking at the clock and realizing you still have a few hours before you have to be up...did i say yet that i love my bed?
I tend to be impatient.
I am in love with music...

just the beginning...

so i created this blog after urging from my sister who had recently done the same. i have yet to figure out what i will really use this as an outlet for but currently my thoughts are with andy davis. he was the inspiritation behind the naming if this blog. i have yet to dislike, in any way, the music he produces. my musical mind leans toward singer/songwriters as of lately. okay the past year or so. and in andy davis i feel i have found a musical soulmate. each song seems to speak to me, my life, my experiences in some way. except of course for the songs like 'let the woman' about the woman he loves and 'brown eyes' about a woman he encountered in passing but seems to have fallen in love with. though i could easily change words to make them work for me...i encourage those who care enough about me to read this crazy thing to also venture to www.virb.com/andydavis and check out what/who i'm talking about. prepare to be amazed...

in the future i hope to post poetry. as that is my biggest creative release but i will leave you with the wise words of andy. the song that inspired a blog...

amateurs

so this is how it feels
leaning to kiss the one you love
and she turns a cheek
tell me how it feels
watching the walls of the house that you built
start crumbling...
yeah you feel love is passing you by
one more time
but you're not surprised

we're all amateurs
heaven knows we're not perfect
we try to ge it right
keep messin' up but we're learning
when the day is done
i wanna know
how do you love someone?
how do you really love?


if you're further down the road
put up a sign
everyone will show me
which way to go
maybe you should start a fire
if your love is strong
we could just follow smoke
yeah you fell like you're broken down
waiting til the truth comes out

we're all amateurs
heaven knows we're not perfect
we try to ge it right
keep messin' up but we're learning
when the day is done
i wanna know
how do you love someone?
how do you really love someone?