some days you just need a good cry/heart to heart. today was one of those days. my life lately has seemed without purpose. living each day for the next and at the end looking back at nothing. today i watched into the wild. i haven't cried that hard since the last time my heart was broken. i've always had a soft spot for adaptations of true stories but this one really, really hit home. i won't go into gory detail about the movie and dissect each part, but the one spot where i think i was hit the most was near the very end. he was writing between the lines of a book and because of his weakend state his writing was labored and slow, dragging the emotion out all the more, 'happiness only real unless shared.' and waterworks...and only slightly because i am single.
the movie was followed by an intense heart to heart conversation between myself and two of my very good friends. this past year has been one where i have learned the most about myself and releasing some of those thoughts and emotions that have been muddling in my brain for so long felt good. i am no where near knowing all there is of me but i guess that is one great adventure in life.
right now my ambition is to find purpose. maybe not quite to the extreme that chris/alex used but maybe that is why i started this blog. to have a place where i can empty my thoughts and try, somehow, to make sense of them all. my life is here for something...
music has always been my therapy. as i sit here i hear the song 'over and under' by egypt central. i am not surprised that you don't know of them but the song exemplifies some of what i feel. 'i can finally stand, i can finally breathe.' burden has kept me down for so long and i can finally say i feel like i can stand and breathe. i know that it will take so much more than a movie or a song or a good cry for the burden to be completely lifted (and maybe it never will be) but i am taking steps forward. see also 'gravity' by sara bareilles.
i have so much more to figure out but baby steps are a place to start:)
love is uphill
never a chance to take a break
only press forward
self is my obstacle
