we're all amateurs

playlist of the...year??

2011-07-20T11:26:00.000-06:00

Alright, it's been FOREVER since i've posted a playlist. This could go on for days but i've narrowed it down to a select few. Here you go!!

Fitz & the Tantrums - L.O.V., Don't Gotta Work it Out, and they're most famous, Moneygrabber. Fantastic band!! If you get the chance to see them live DO NOT pass it up! i even met THE Fitz...but that's a whole different story ;)

Rox - No Going Back   LOVE her voice!!! So soulful , so emotional...

The Bravery - Believe   just a very chill song :) pretty sure its been in a commercial or something...

Danna/Devotchka - The Winner Is   Little Miss Sunshine :) but a great song!

The Whitest Boy Alive - Fireworks

Two Door Cinema Club - ALL of the Tourist History album. Especially, Come Back Home

The Beautiful Girls - La Mar

Ximena Sarinana - Different    She's so meek but has such a fantastic voice

Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs - Maps

The Wailin' Jennys - Begin   Harmony is my favorite ;)

Miike Snow - Animals (and no i didn't spell that wrong!)

Ben Harper - Rock N' Roll is Free   Just love him all around ;)

The XX - Crystalised, Islands, Intro...basically their whole album too :)

And that's it for now!    Enjoy responsibly ;)

always,
amanda joy

the one where i get all gooey...

2011-07-14T15:05:00.000-06:00

love. when found it can consume. when lost it can destroy. look around and you'll see it manifest in some form. but at times it can be elusive. the innocent love of a child. the unending love of a parent. love can take a moment. love can take years. it grows, develops, changes, the lover and the loved. the greatest gift and both easiest hardest to give.

i've been thinking much on the subject of love lately. maybe because the book i'm reading is letting my imagination run with the story. maybe its just always on my mind in some way. but this week has been spent deeper in thought. what does it mean to love?! how do i love? how do people love me? in these times of deep reflection i've made big realizations. good realizations ;) realizations that, despite my faults and imperfections, my love is BIG. my love is wild. my love is honest.

i've made lists of things i love. but all these things cannot be written. or even thought of completely when assigned to do so. i find new loves everyday, no matter how small, and this is how i want to live. consumed in every way by love.

but i am also not blinded. i've seen heartbreak. i know that perceived love isn't always true.

but that won't stop me from my love. i'd rather love fiercely and abundantly than not at all. love has formed my life. and i don't want it any other way. after 27.5 years on this earth, this is what i know to be true.

one of my favorite artists is tristan prettyman. i've seen her live quite a few times and she just makes me smile every time i hear her beachy, upbeat tunes. i leave you with one of the many songs i love from her. i think you'll see why ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R_9UgpmzEs

love.love.love.
amanda joy

excuse me sir, but your sex seems to be, well, on fire...

2010-07-21T14:33:00.001-06:00

As a small drip of water pooled and finally fell from my nose, and my body was screaming for warmth, i silently prayed that this discomfort would all be worth it. It had rained for almost an hour at this point. We had no shelter, no blanket, no warmth. Little did i know that the rain would continue to fall for at least another two hours, breaking only for the last few songs of the set. And in the end? More than worth it. So, so much more!
In my opinion, the Kings of Leon are one of the most underrated, overrated bands out there. And I'll admit, i fell into the pop music snare of lies. I originally heard of these Nash-vegas based boys while perusing bands on purevolume.com. I enjoyed the few songs they had posted, one of which was 'Use Somebody,' and came back to their site a few times but they never became a regular play on my computer. Then i started hearing 'Use Somebody' on the radio. 'Sweet,' I thought, 'One of those no-name bands i happened upon has made it big. Good for them.' And then the song began to haunt me. It was EVERYWHERE. KOL became the overplayed, overrated boys that fell off my radar.
Then I stumbled upon their complete album, 'Only by the Night,' and their old albums. Pandora's box was opened. Thier raw, dangerous, southern, soulful rock snared me and i've been hooked ever since.
And last night, the long awaited live KOL concert experience became real for me. I will always stand by the statement that music is better live. Or at least your know the real musicians/performers when you see them live. And KOL delivered. Clouds of red smoke advanced on the lower crowd as operatic music announced the start of the show. The boys came on stage and there was no mistaking the distorted bass in the opening strains of 'Crawl.' My heart raced and my face may have melted as they played my absolute favorite song. Great start guys, you know the way to my heart :) They followed with 'Slow Night, So Long' and 'Taper Jean Girl.' Evidently they'd gotten all of my stalker mail requests for songs! Just kidding...sort of.
What's that? You've never heard of these songs? Because, you too, were turned off to KOL after them being overplayed and the only songs you know are 'Use Somebody' and 'Sex on Fire'? AH...dear friend. let me guide you on a musical journey. That for KOL includes so much more than just those few songs!!!
They played songs from all over their library. 'The Bucket,' 'Four Kicks,' 'Knocked Up,' 'Revelry,' and 'Molly's Chambers' were just some of these gems. Some bands stick only to their popular songs or their new album songs, but not so for KOL. They rocked. and i do mean ROCKED. If i hadn't been freezing, tired, shivering, sopping wet, I would have been dancing my face off.
So, if you are of the opinion that these boys are way overrated and overplayed, check out their other music and then let me know what you think. the beauty of music and opinion is that everyone has their own. what moves them. what makes them.
If you need more recommendations on great KOL tunes let me know.

always,
the future mrs. jared followill

a little less talk and a lot more action

2010-06-26T11:31:00.000-06:00

why am i nervous?
scared of the new
my confidence
out the door
forced awkwardness
cringe...
stop talking
just do

here goes nothing..

i'm not drowning...

2010-06-11T20:39:00.000-06:00

Sara Barellis is my girl. I saw her in concert before her hit 'love song' came out and i knew it was meant to be. we would be friends....i'm sure of it ;) This song, like so many others, has cut deep for me. Not for any man in particular at the moment. But too often in my life i've let myself feel like i'm drowning. In reality i just needed to learn that i am strong and able. i am woman, hear me roar ;) And the past 7 months have taught me that. and so much more. though i'm in a bluesy, dark music phase, a little pop crept in for the moment. ejoy.

King of Anything

Sara Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee,

Stare me down across the table

While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions man

We're all entitled to 'em

But I never asked

So let me thank you for your time

And try not to waste any more of mine

Get out of here fast.

I hate to break it to you babe

But I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died and made you king of anything

You sound so innocent

All full of good intent

Swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

And ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost

With no direction, oh

But you'll never see

You're so busy making maps

With my name on them in all caps

You got the talking down

Just not the listening.

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died and made you king of anything

All my life I've tried

To make everybody happy while I

Just hurt and hide

Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died and made you king of anything

Lemme hold your crown, babe...

Love it. Oh, did i tell you i'm getting into soccer? there's good reason...trust me ;)

always,

amanda

a little X confusion.

2010-06-04T20:33:00.000-06:00

do you ever doubt your decisions? look back at life and regret mistakes you've made? wonder just how different your life would be if that situation had changed? no? never? okay...me neither... lets talk hypothetically then.

okay. here we go. i had a dream a few nights ago. about an X. One where we were laying on a recliner (??) and just talking. and suddenly i blurted out how sorry i was for hurting him, and that i've always loved him, and that i still care for him. [whoa] and he looked at me, smiled, and said it was all okay, he forgave me, and then he kissed me. [double whoa] So then we got out of the recliner and went tell our families, who weren't necessarily pleased, but they expressed that they were happy that we were happy. And then it gets fuzzy and i wake up.

i lay there dazed for a while. part of my mind thinking it was somewhat real. what just happened? what prompted that?? i can honestly say i hadn't thought much about this X as of late, so to have him appear in my dream, to such a great degree was incredibly strange. And though i do still care for him, and hope nothing but the best for him, i know that those are not the words i would say to him if given the chance. To make things even stranger, when i logged on to facebook, the first thing on my newsfeed was a friends photo album. so of course i checked out the photos. and suddenly, there he was, smiling with this friend. (whom he didn't exaclty get along with while we dated...even more strange) needless to say my head was spinning. and for a few moments i let my mind run. is there a reason why these thoughts have com flooding back? how might my life be different if i would/wouldn't have made certain decisions? did i let the greatest thing that ever happened to me pass me by?

and then my rational mind kicked in...we all know mine runs a little slower. there were reasons for our breakup. there have been years between us that have made us vastly different people. i learned so very much about myself from that relationship/breakup that i would never wish to unlearn. I AM ME because of what happened in that situation. though it was a strange day in my brain, it made me realize again that without the trials and tribulations in my life, i would not be the person i am today. and i love me :) i have faults, i am strange, i am different. but i am a good person. and i have good people!!

i also have a new adventure that i started tonight. i'll keep you posted with details, but this could get interesting...

always,
amanda

and so it goes...

2010-05-06T08:49:00.000-06:00

do you ever have one of those days? when the sky is dark, the world around you is cold, nothing seems to go right, and you take it out on your blog? yep, that was me. after so many months of things going so right in my life i had a day. and, being myself, i reacted. okay...overreacted, to the situation. i didn't think it through and take in the possibilities. after about an hour of frustration i had let it go. and today. it's even more gone. i think we all have a right to those moments, hours, days. but as long as we don't dwell, and that we realize how minute our problems seem in the big picture, i think that's okay. i know that's okay. it's being human. it's having emotions.

there is so much good in my life that it even pains me now to read my last post. here's what i'm looking forward to in the next few months:

- E's (little bro) graduation from HIGH SCHOOL
- maybe running bolderBOULDER...if the ankle cooperates
- party at the moontower! our neighborhood's dazed and confused theme party
- a busy, fun summer of work
- plenty of Rockies games, especially when the CUBS come in late july :)
- Fort Collins BrewFest!!!
- Kings of Leon in july...sooooo pumped
- The Avett Brothers at RED ROCKS...even more pumped!
- spending summer in colorado...hiking, biking, everything active :)
- New Belgium Days :)

just thinking about the fun makes me smile!

I also finished the 5 seasons of LOST on DVD. I think i'll wait to post my full feelings on that when the series finale is over. I also just sped through the first season of glee. as cheesey as it can be, i love it :) it makes me want to sing on a regular basis again. haven't done that since junior year of college! it's been too long. except, of course, if you count singing in the shower or in my car.

so that's it. life is good. i am loved. and i love :) and really isn't that what it's all about??

love.love.love

always,
amanda

Listen to: 'Our Lives' Rob Blackledge
www.myspace.com/robblackledge

i hope you prove me wrong...

2010-04-28T17:00:00.000-06:00

i came to colorado thinking it would make my life okay. that everything would just fall into place perfectly and i would be surrounded in happiness. and for the first few months, i was right. everything was falling just how i'd wanted it. nothing out of place.

and then suddenly. thread by thread, it unravels. reality is setting in. life cannot always be perfect.

and i want to scream a little.
why can't it go right?
it all seemed so clandestined.
so perfect.
i had started painting a picture,
with more optimism than in the past.
and i want to keep the image,
without it fading to grey.
but frustration,
and disbelief crowd my thoughts.

a test it may be.
of my patience.
of my optimistic endurance.

today i will allow myself to wallow.
but tomorrow,
tomorrow i start new.
this isn't the end of the road.
only a few speed bumps along the way.

i cherish my people :) who have reassured me of my unique place in this world. who have stood beside me and made my life so worth living. who have loved me in the hardest of times. i am blessed in so many ways. life will not always be perfect. things will not always go my way. but it is these set backs and disappointments that are growing me. i'm learning, daily, what it means to be me. on my own. and when i really think about it. i love, love, love that. disappointments aside i am one lucky girl. and now, after that rant, i can't help but smile.

thank you for listening. i feel much better....

always,
amanda

what do you love?

2010-04-10T19:43:00.000-06:00

I ♥ my Chacos
I ♥ chocolate milk.
I ♥ my sisters and brother.
I ♥ 'my boys' dave, matt, rob, andy, raphael and jon.
I ♥ my god-dog, penny lane. and her sister layle mae.
I ♥ tv shows on dvd.
I ♥ big comfy beds.
I ♥ cheese of all kinds.
I ♥ the mountains!
I ♥ hiking said mountains :)
I ♥ to read.
I ♥ driving with the windows down and the music up.
I ♥ being barefoot.
I ♥ john krasinski.
I ♥ kickball!
I ♥ singing in the shower.
I ♥ live music. preferrably outdoors!
I ♥ doing laundry.
I ♥ the sun.
I ♥ wearing skirts and high heels. but t-shirts and jeans just the same :)
I ♥ a good beer.

there you go. i few things i LOVE :)

always,
amanda

taking the time to fly

2010-04-01T21:38:00.001-06:00

I remember hearing this song for the first time my senior year of high school. I was on a church trip to chicago with my senior class and i immediately connected with the song. I literally played it over and over for the next year or so until it became a song i knew by heart. I've lost touch with the song for quite a few years now, but tonight, while i was in the shower, it came on the radio. And my heart started to beat faster, the tune started humming in my throat and soon i was belting every single word like i was back in high school. It was freeing, it was fun, it was being 17 again. This truly is my song. I know that i was always 'born to fly.' I've never been able to sit still for very long. I don't like to be patient and wait things out. I like action. I like adventure.
I spread my wings a few short months ago and they took me to Colorado. Where will my wings take me next? Who knows, but i'm ready to fly :) Really though, how do you keep you feet on the ground, when you were born to fly???

Born to Fly Sara Evans
I've been telling my dreams to the scarecrow
About the places that I'd like to see
I say, 'friend do you think I'll ever get there?'
Oh, but he just stands there smilin' back at me
So I confessed my sins to the preacher
About the love I've been prayin' to find
Is there a brown-eyed boy in my future, yeah
And he says, 'girl, you've got nothin' but time.'

But how do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know that you were born,
You were born to fly

My daddy he is grounded like the oak tree
My momma she is steady as the sun
Oh, you know I love my folks
But I keep starin' down the road
Just lookin' for my one chance to run
Hey, cause I will soar away like a blackbird
I will blow in the wind like a seed
I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams
And I will grow up where I wander wild and free

Oh, How do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born?
You were born, yeah, you were born to fly

Here's to soaring :)

always,
amanda

just the beginning

2010-03-28T21:44:00.003-06:00

another new journey? snowboarding :) i went for my second run this weekend. I had my moments of frustration, thats for sure. But what outweighed them by far, were the moments of bliss... Finally feeling like i could handle toeside, going down a whole run without falling, breathing in that beautiful mountain air, thought provoking conversation, spending a great weekend with great people :) As it is almost the end of the season, it is highly unlikely i'll get a chance to go out again this year, but i'm confident that next season will be mine. i'll be an entirely different boarder by this time next year! FIRE UP!

life is good. life is a blessing. life is a journey to behold.

always,
amanda

getting lost, gladly

2010-03-24T11:30:00.002-06:00

So I've started an interesting journey. In anticipation of the series finale in 7 weeks, I've begun the daunting task of watching each of the Lost seasons previous. So far, in a week, I've made it to episode three of season two. It helped that i spent most of Sunday watching! Though i did take a break to hike into the reservior :)
I had seen sporatic episodes and most of the first season previously so i've essentially 'caught up with' what i had known before. Now i'm onto a new adventure :) I'll keep you posted, or at least report at the end what my thoughts on the series are. So far, I like it!
I'm also making my second attempt at snowboarding this weekend. I'm a little nervous but overall excited! I'll let you know how that goes ;)

all we are, we are. and every day is the start of something beautiful!

always,
amanda

realization

2010-03-13T07:12:00.003-07:00

i am a thinker. my mind goes a thousand miles a minute. sometimes it drives me crazy but sometimes it has a certain soothing quality. in situations of confrontation it is usally better for me to collect my thoughts and cool down before i pose my view on the issue. in school it wasn't always easy for me to participate in class because i needed to soak in and digest the information before i felt ready to regurgitate my outlook.
yesterday, on my drive home, i had a realization. if i died today, i'd die happy. a little morbid for the drive home, i agree. but there i was, windows rolled down, paulo nutini singing me a sweet song, warm mountain air breezing through my little car, and it was bliss. i thought about my life, my family, my friends. and it was a wonderful moment. i felt fulfilled.
i thought about what i've done in my life:
i'm a college graduate.
i have an incredibly loving, caring, supportive, hilarious, forgiving, family.
i have friends who daily provide me with love and laughter and so much joy.
i have a job that i love. everyone there feels like family. i've also had a career (feels weird saying that after only being graduated 4 years) that has had it's ups and downs but i feel successful.
i live in the flippin' mountains! everytime i see them i have to take a deep breath and just appreciate them. They are new everyday.
i've taken a leap of faith moving out here. just the fact that i followed one of my lifelong dreams has brought such fulfillment.
i've lived a life of love. or at least put forth my best effort to :) i haven't found that life altering, can't live without, stop you in your tracks love. but i'm okay with that :) i don't believe i've lived less of a life without it. i've loved people. many people. and i believe many have loved me. and that's all i need.
i've seen and experienced things some people only dream of. i've never been out of the country but i've seen so much of our own that i don't mind.
i've been snowboarding :)

then i thought of the things i haven't experienced:
world travel.
relief work in a third world country.
being a wife.
being a mother.
owning a dog.
hiking a 14er :)
that life altering, can't live without, stop you in your tracks love.
becoming a songwriter.

and as i thought of these things i realized i was satisfied with a life without them. sure i'd love to see all those things happen in my life, but i'm not going to define my life by them. death is a reality for everyone. and some people focus so much on the life that people 'didn't get to live.' but its a life they weren't supposed to. it's harder to focus on the life that they did live. i've lost people in my life. some of old age, some quite young. and at the time, when you are faced with a death it's so hard to focus on anything but pain and sorrow. if i die today, or tomorrow, i hope that i'm remembered for the life i lived. because i'm happy with it!

Time-out. things are getting really morbid now. I don't for any reason believe i am going to die soon. these are all just realizations and thoughts that have been running through my mind in the past day.

Time-in. After all these thoughts yesterday, i spent an evening with myself. a date perhaps. Myself and I had a great work out and made a tasty dinner. I gave myself a pedicure and then cuddled up with the puppies and watched a great movie. i fell asleep with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Is it incredibly selfish of me that i did not spent my evening at a soup kitchen or spreading the word on world hunger? some may say yes. but believe that sometimes you have to be a little selfish. to do things to make yourself happy. you won't always find it in someone else. or in things. true joy is inside yourself. find it. love it. savor it.

i may not be able to change the whole world but i can make it smile :)

always,
amanda

sometimes i say too much, but i can't say it enough...

2010-03-06T12:34:00.007-07:00

If you haven't heard about The Alternate Routes, newsflash, they're awesome:) I've loved their music for a few years now but have recently stumbled upon them again. They are wonderful, lyical, and musically amazing :) Definitely one of my top ten favorite bands. Now if only they would tour this year...

www.myspace.com/alternateroutes

Listening to their music takes me back to VEISHEA 2007 when they played on the stage outside Friley. We spent the afternoon listening and lounging in the grass with bare feet and not a care in the world. Bliss :) Today as i sit and listen i can't help but anticipate the summer a little more. When i can wear a swim suit instead of a pant suit, and trade in my pumps for a sweet pair of flip flops. I can't wait to experience my favorite season in my current favorite state! My plan is to fill my days with plenty of hiking, camping, outdoor concert going, tubing, and pretty much anything outside! Everyday is a new adventure :) the start of something beautiful...

always,
amanda

music to my ears

2010-02-26T14:57:00.002-07:00

So really it's been almost a year since i've posted a music playlist so its about time i get a new one out! Some of these songs aren't so new...some a brand spanking... All are songs i love for various reasons.

Early 2010 Playlist

Crazy About You - Whiskeytown
Get Loose - Rob Blackledge
Buttons - The Weeks
40 Dogs - Bob Schneider
Crawl - Kings of Leon
When In Rome - Nickel Creek
Barlights - fun.
You Don't Have to Believe Me - Eric Hutchinson
Twentysomething - Jaime Cullum
The Underdog - Spoon
Bloodline - Matt Morris
Sympathize - Amos Lee
Fools Rush In - Ingrid Michaelson
Us - Regina Spektor
I and Love and You (entire album) - The Avett Brothers

enjoy :)

always,
amanda

many, many thanks

2010-02-09T19:27:00.002-07:00

for everything that makes me who i am today i have to give thanks. so here's a list.

i'm thankful for....
-roommates who so graciously have provided this vagabond with a warm welcome and a roof to cover my head. and for their friendship, amazing cooking abilities (i'm spoiled!), and every ounce of graciousness they have shown me. k & k, thank you thank you thank you!
-the friendships with neighbors that i have established and developed since coming out here. t & m, for always letting me come over and just chill and all the GREAT times we've had in just a few months. looking forward to many many more! k & e, for all the hockey, for welcoming me fom the beginning, for the folly pack!, and for coming out with such enthusiasm for my party.
-the blessing of a job that i LOVE. i came out here thinking i'd be working some menial job for a while before i found the right place, but instead the right place came right away! I am daily grateful for the people who work for me and the people i work for! I've learned so much in just a few months and i'm loving every minute.
-my parents. who may not always love my decisions [:)] but have never stopped loving and supporting me the whole way. I love you guys more than you know!
-my sisters. without them i don't make sense. they are daily inspriations and two of the most beautiful women (inside and out) that i've ever known.
-my brother. who i can hardly believe will graduate high school this year! I am proud of all that he has accomplished in the last year. He is an inspiration to me as well and is an incredibly intelligent young man. I have the best family :)
-the rest of my family!!! aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. i am so blessed to have such a big, yet close, family who supports and loves each other so much.
-my friends, far and near. some of which i've lost touch with but all have made an impact on the me i am today. J&E, i don't think i could have gotten through college (and beyond!) without you. you two are such great women and i can't wait to have a great reunion when old and even more fun :) NjoR, we've been through it all. literally born a week apart and have been friends ever since. You have become this incredible woman, mother, wife and i love it! So looking forward to our reunion sometime soon :)
-my other friends i've made since coming to colorado. i keep meeting all these great people and it constantly makes me smile :) i look forward to developing and growing these friendships!
-my car. Cobi, you've gotten me further than most any other car has so far. You keep me warm and safe and for that, i am grateful.
-my education. i loved most every minute i spent at ISU. i recieved so much more than a degree in those 4 years...
-music. cheesy i know, but without it i wouldn't know what to make of the world. it soothes me, it moves me, it amazes me.
-my freedom. and for those daily fighting to keep it.
-nature. unending beauty. i am surrounded by such wonders. how can i be anything but thankful?
-life. i'm thankful for the opportunity to live it. to experience all that i have.

okay, i'll stop there but i felt i need to get that off my chest!

I would not be the person i am today without the people I have in my life. Each morning i wake up thankful. for what i have, for who have, for who i am.

Today....i am 26. and i love that. I've got a lot of living left to do. watch out world...here i come!

always,
amanda

beauty in the unexpected

2010-02-08T10:18:00.002-07:00

currently i love my life. i am surrounded (literally and figuratively) by an amazing group of people i am blessed to call my friends and family. i am living in one of the most beautiful places in the country. i have a job i enjoy, where i get to work with a great group of people. i am daily thankful for the little things that make my life great.
in the past i'd always lived in the 'long' term. oh sure, there were days when i made quick decisions that changed the course of my life in big or small ways. but mostly i had an overall mental plan and it was in years. now? i'm living on much shorter terms. and i love it. i'm enjoying life for this moment in time. my entire world may change in a year, (heck, a year ago i'd never thought i'd be living in colorado) in a month, in a week. to me, it's exciting. i don't know what tomorrow holds. next year i may be living in bolivia or fiji or kansas. but you'd better believe that i'm going to enjoy every moment of whatever comes. i realize not every day will be great. in fact, i'm sure there will be days of struggle. but i also know that i will come out of those days a better, stronger person. wonderful :) here's to a year of appreciation, love, and JOY :) wherever, whenever, whatever happens.

right now, in this moment...i'm happy.

always,
amanda

this beer's for you...

2010-01-31T16:18:00.004-07:00

I have to admit, the first time i tasted beer, i was mortified. This was what all these kids around me were ingesting for a good time?! No thank you! You can keep your keystone light friend. i'll take a diet coke. Over the many years since then, my palate slowly developed to a point where i could 'tolerate' beer. Mostly the light beers that really tasted bland and watery. (Fun fact: Did you know that the main ingredient in beer is water? now you know...) And when it was required of me to drink said beers, it was usually in situations that involved red cups and ping pong balls, and i'd take large gulps and swallow fast in order that the beer was in my mouth for the shortest amount of time possible.

Then my world was shaken just a little bit when i was introduced to the microbrew. I tasted 'dinkey wheat' at old main and admitted that the flavors definitely brought a new dimension to my world of beer, but it still wasn't going to become my drink of choice. I'll have a malibu and diet, thanks.

THEN I MOVED TO COLORADO. Where i walked into a whole new ballgame. You see, here in Fort Collins we have not one, not three, but SIX breweries. So people here are self-proclaimed beer snobs. I had some catching up to do! My first flavorful taste was a Two Below from New Belgium Brewing. It hit me. There's something different about this stuff. Next up were some ODell's beers; Isolation Ale, Cutthroat Porter, Easy Street. Then Coopersmiths Poudre Pale Ale and Horsetooth Stout. Each new beer i've tasted has heightened my growing admiration for beer. Of course, I've now developed favorites, but i've opened this awesome can of worms and am looking forward to many future samplings of great, great beers.

I also took a journey back to my early beer days when i recently toured the Coors Brewery in Golden, CO. P and I were the last ones in the door for the day and proceeded into 45 minutes of listening about the beer brewing process from a little hand-held machine. It was semi-awkward standing in a room with about 20 strangers, all listening to the same words from the same man (and woman who would periodically just whisper 'Coors' inbetween his words). You were pretty much silent the whole time, just watching other peoples reactions and reading about the brewing process. I think P and I had the most fun as every once and a while when the music started to build (near the fresh beer room!) or when the guy got really excited, we'd have our own little reaction of feigned excitement. All in all it was FUN :) I learned a lot about the process and more random little trivia about the coors brand. But the best part was the samples! The Coors Light really did taste so much better and colder. We established that this may have been because they kept subliminally building our excitement for that cold beer at the end of the tour but it could be that beer just tastes better at the brewery. (whether or not it's just in your head)

Now I get to look forward to the New Belguim tour again with the little sis in a few weeks!

But right now i think i'll go have a nice cold Isolation...mmmm :)

always,
amanda

a moment that moved me...

2010-01-29T06:48:00.005-07:00

I've been quite lax in my blogging as of late and it seems that every time I do, I am apologizing for not doing so more often. But that will not happen today. I will not apologize for not setting aside time to blog, because I wouldn't trade a second of the many things I've experienced instead of blogging for anything. Maybe someday I'll retro-post and tell you about all those wonderful things, but for now I've got more important things to share.

If you know me well, you know that one of my passions in life is 'words.' Many have informed me that this is too vague a passion, but I cannot narrow it to one certain aspect of 'words' without leaving behind other parts. So I stand strong on my vague passion. It's mine. Find your own...

I'm also a little bit in love. It's only been a few months but i've never been happier or felt more myself. That's right, the great state of Colorado has stolen my heart, and I hope the honeymoon phase never ends.

Love. The reason i began this blog way back when. To explore the vast, exciting, overwhleming, diverse world of love. Where I will always be an amateur. But always game for exploring :) I've looked back lately at my early posts and can only smile. Ah, the things you learn through the years...

To bring this all back to why I was originally posting, it's a combination of love and words. And a little about my love for words. A few days ago, my roommate purchased the most recent Avett Brothers album, which he confessed he had not been able stop listening to. As I pushed play, I was curious. Was this going to be life changing? At first I was unsure. Track #1 seemed lethargic with the first few strains and didn't catch my ear immediately. But then I looked down and saw what I thought was the 'thanks' portion of the album cover. I love to read this stuff so i grabbed it and cuddled up on the couch, the melody perking my ears more and more as the song went on. In mere moments I was enthralled by the passage written. It was not of thanks, but of love. And I was floored. By words. By truths. By the way it made my heart twinge and rejoice simultaneously. And this is what I share with you today. Not my words. Words from another. That left me amazed and intrigued. Mull over the words, savor them, enjoy them, love them. Just soak them up. And don't forget to breathe a few times in the middle. (i kinda forgot that part) There is one spot in the middle i left out (marked by [---------]) which they go on to describe the making of the album but in order to get that full experience I urge you to actually purchase the album for yourself. The impact is even better with the music :) So here goes...Enjoy!

The words 'I' and 'Love' and 'You' are the watermark of humanity. Strung together they convey our deepest sense of humility; of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon; each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and midset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances; whispered to the newborn in the arms of a new mother; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy said by a girl to a boy as the respect continues, but the realtionship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarassed children in the company of their friends and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters...the words at the bottom of the page that trump all of those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gift of all: the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser situations among near strangers, burst forth casually as 'love ya.' Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague aquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deciet; to say 'I love you' with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey upon humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply into the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness. [--------] Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any dificulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated...I and Love and You.

I kind of feel it should end with and 'Amen.' So be it...

We may not all be in love. But love is in us all. For people, for a state :), for the world, for nature. Take a deep breath and remember what you love and who loves you.

Have a great day all. Full of love, real love :)

always,
amanda

FC 365 (1-5)

2009-10-30T15:29:00.007-06:00

I've travelled many miles. But my life has come so much further than that! It's been 5 official days of living here in The Fort and so far...i'm loving it! Every minute to be exact :) I've had many friends and family making requests for me to keep up on my blog so they can keep up with me so here goes! I wanted to do something a little different than just writing about my life here. So I'm going to start FC 365. I'm going to take a picture of everyday i am here so y'all can see my life rather than just read it! so here goes:)

Day One! I did a lot of exploring of the town. This pic was taken while I was at the Colorado welcome center getting maps. I still haven't gotten used to the view of the west. On of my greatest hopes is that I never take living this close to the beauty that is the mountains for granted. As you will see most of my first pics are of the mountains:) I still have to remember to take my camera with me some occasions.

Day Two: Meet Layla and Penny Lane. No, I did not move to Colorado and immediately get two dogs:) They are my roommates (and amazing friends) K and K's dogs. I've never lived with big dogs before and I'm loving it:) I've taken them both on walks (working towards running but i've got to get used to the altitude!) and played around the house with them when not searching for the right job for me:) They are so much fun and give so much love! Don't be surprised if after i find my own place, a dog soon follows.

Day Three: SNOW, SNOW, SNOW! I'm thinking i brought the snow with me but I really don't mind for now! We got around 17 inches between Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday. The dogs love it, i got to dig my car out, and then drive up the mountain into more snow! It's amazing how snow can make everything more beautiful. This picture is looking out our front porch on Wednesday afternoon. So this wasn't even all the snow!! Love it:)

Day Four: I survived the drive up to Estes! It was a beautiful, windy, slow, fun ride! I wasn't sure that i'd even make it up to my interview with the hotel but thankfully the roads were very clear. The interview went really well:) It would definitely be a change and a challenge for me if given the opportunity! I won't know for a few weeks so for now I'm still handing out resumes otherwise. I've also gotten really good at taking pictures while driving...probably not so safe but i've gotten some good ones! We also made homemade pizza and had girls night that night. Both were sooo good:) Still a little angry that Gordanna didn't get kicked off though....

Day Five: I drove K to the DIA to make her flight to the deep south, and on the way home shot this one. If you look close you can see the storm brewing in the mountains. which means more snow up there, which means it's time to break out the snowboarding gear! What? I don't have any snowboarding gear? Ah, yes. This girl has been cooped up in flat old Iowa for too many years! Don't worry. Very soon I will change my 'very amateur' snowboarding status! And my do those mountains look good!!

So there you go. My first installment of FC 365. I hope to be back soon with more wonderful stories of my amazing life out here in the Rockies! And I promise to post some pictures with me actually in them at some point too:)

always,

amanda

all my bags are packed...

2009-10-18T17:24:00.003-06:00

four days separate
now from new
my stomach turns
with excitement
with a twinge of fear
of unknown
but mostly
i can taste the freedom
i'm ready
for the biggest adventure
this girl has ever seen

leaving behind
a city i've loved
people i'll miss
terribly...
a life that i won't
new experiences
mountains
fresh air
natural beauty
this is it
i want to get in now
and drive to there
but patience
is a virute

reinvention
finding me
the whole
all natural
through and through
me
and rediscovering
truth
of what i deserve
of what i desire
of what it means
to be me
for me

sounds selfish
maybe that's
exactly necessary
to no longer find
validation
in what you think
i am me
the only me i can be
and that's okay
no apologies
i may fail
i may succeed
either way
i'm on my way
on my way

and i can't stop smiling...

my playlist...

2009-06-29T23:25:00.002-06:00

so i'm totally stealing this from one of my best friends ever but she'll understand!! :):) or at least i hope so...

i've said it thousands of times that music is my life. i can barely go ten minutes without having some type of music going. so i have decided to compile a list of some of the songs i'm currently loving. just in case you need some new music to jam to. or maybe you're just wondering what song i have in my head today. whatever the case... here is my list:)

1- You, the Night, & Candlelight - Dave Barnes one of my top ten favorite artists in general, one of his newer songs
2- Longer I Run - Peter Bradley Adams see also Lay Your Head Down and Queen of Hearts
3- Streetlights - Ludo
4- Too Late for That - A. Rex
5- You Are the Best Thing - Ray Lamontange just fun :)
6- You and I - Ingrid Michaelson she is abosultely wonderful...
7- Chin Up - Copeland
8- Morning Sun - Kelley Stoltz
9- Closer Than You Think - Fiction Family see also When She's Near and Out of Order...new favorite band :)
10- Never Going Back to OK - The Afters
11- Time to Pretend - MGMT you've probably heard this one but i just like it :)
12- Naked as We Came - Iron & Wine see also Love And Some Verses

I'll leave you with that:) just a small window into my musical mind... Enjoy!

2009-06-23T01:49:00.003-06:00

my life isn't interesting. no one would ever want to record it for reality t.v. i will never have a plethera of blog followers. i will never write a bestselling book. my words may never be seen by more than a handful of people.

does that make me less signifcant? I don't have profound statements. I don't have stories of great love. or of terrible heartbreak. (okay i do but i don't think blog world wants to hear me whine about a story that's two years old) or of my small child who has done something new today.

i do have a few stories about random events of my day. plunging a toilet in fact. what an awesome way to start out a night of work. but who wants to hear that story? no one. and honestly i really don't want to tell it. it was gross and embarassing (for the guest and myself) and so not worth re-telling.

i read blogs like www.mattlogelin.com and i want to curl up in a ball and just cry. it makes me not want to fall in love...for fear of losing it. but i look at a guy like matt. so real. so forthcoming. and a little part of me is jealous. what?!?! jealous of a widower left to raise a beautiful daughter all on his own? a man who has struggled everyday of the past year to begin life again with out the love of his life, the mother of his absolutely beautiful daughter. yes, i am selfishly jealous of him. that he found the true love of his life. that he spent 12 beautiful and blissful years with her. That he is the father to this absolutely beautiful daughter. that his daily blog is read by millions daily. I'm jealous of all these small things but grossly I am jealous of his making a difference. His words have affforded comfort to many in a similar situation. and has shed light for those who may not fully be able to comprehend the situation and what it brings. His life has made a difference. He can make me cry. He can make me laugh. all through words on a screen.

and then i turn around and look at myself. what have i done?!

i think i'm just meant to be a worker bee in this hive they call earth. I'll always be an extra. never the main character. now i just have to come to terms with that...

second chances

2008-05-29T02:19:00.000-06:00

it's funny how timing works in life. things happen, good and bad, so you can learn from them. and usually just at the time you need it. i've recently had a time where what felt like everything to me had been taken. my car, my keys, my ID, my phone. and it all made me realize how dependent i had become on these things, when that's all they really are...things. over the past few weeks i've come to appreciate the bigger 'things' in my life. my health, my loving family, my friends, who i may not get to see often but care more for me than i really ever knew. these are the things that for the past year, as i struggled through a lot of pain and a lot of self doubt, i have taken for granted. i can't say i am yet the person who i want to be. i will always have faults and misgivings. but i am re-learning to appreciate the things that matter. the people who matter.
life is all about second chances. learn from mistakes and move on. forgiveness is always the answer, though sometimes a struggle.

i am looking forward to a rebuilding year. one with many second chances that i am not willing to pass up. and hopefully some brand new chances and challenges that i can face with utter certainty that i will make it through.

and...the cubs will go to the world series. if we all just believe...:)

always, amanda

the mess that is my mind...

2008-04-26T01:16:00.000-06:00

i'm struggling right now...
to believe that people are inherently good. with where i'm really supposed to be. with figuring out who is worth the investment of my time. (which sounds very selfish but an investment should be mutually beneficial right?)
i've lost a lot of myself in this past year. i know that ME is somewhere in there because i see her every once in a while but she's gotten harder and harder to recognize as time goes by. i just want to push the fast forward button on my life for a bit so can get past this valley. sometimes it feels like things are going great in everyone's life but mine. (sorry this is not meant to be a pity party) like tonight, i would have loved to be with my KD ladies to celebrate Sigma Sigma's centenial, but of course, the ball and chain that is my job has me here. most of my friends are leaving me for the summer for internships or moving on after college. my best friend in the world is having a BABY!!! (that is probably the thing i am most excited about!!) i know that great things are in my future but sometimes all the bad things could up my vision for what's ahead and i start to get lost and feel hopeless. and i'm too stubborn to ask for or let anyone help me. i want to believe that i can do it all myself. as much as i am codependent, i am independent. i wrote earlier of the movie into the wild and how i would love to experience the wild in a similar manner. but i would have to have a partner. i could not go without human contact for that long of a period of time.
lets just hope i can survive today. work, a wedding shower, work again:):), then a bachelorette party. Then of course...more work tomorrow! As long as no one calls and says they can't work for this reason or that...i'll be okay. If i could clone myself i would. if nothing else but for the purpose of running my front desk 24/7. then i'd always know that the audit would balance, people are getting checked in and out correctly, and i'd just be able to have the desk staffed all day! then i could live my life and not worry about it:) if anyone wants to work full time days or weekend night audit...let me know. i'd be more than happy to teach you:)

i end this rant with a song my little sister introduced me to. it has moved me and given me hope. so for now...i'm working on growing my roots;)

so many things to do and say
and i can't seem to find a way
but i want to know how
i know i'm meant for something else
but first i've got to find myself
but i don't know how
oh why do i reach for the stars
when i don't have wings
it can't be that far

gotta have roots before branches
to know who i am
to know who i wanna be
and faith to take chances
to live like i see
a place in this world for me

sometimes i don't want to feel
and i forget the pain is real
with my head in the clouds
start to run and then i fall
thinking i can get it all
without my feet on the ground
there's always a seed
before theres a rose
the more that it rains
the more i will grow

gotta have roots before branches
to know who i am
to know who i want to be
and faith to take chances
to live like i see
a place in this world for me

whatever comes i'll still stand
if i have roots before branches

...and i so i leave you with hope. i've got it even on the darkest day. if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

always...amanda

release.

2008-03-24T20:56:00.000-06:00

not too big
not too far
each step i take
closer to you
i can see the end
but it's the inbetween
i get caught in

never sure
which way to turn
but each mistake
i take in, move on
sunrise will bring
new chances, new choices

-------------------------------

there are reasons
for happenings they say
and meaning can be found
but i don't want
reasonings and meanings
i want it all back

the selfish make excuses
i pretend to have none
but denial won't help
my thoughts are daily drawn
to the could haves
and what ifs of life

----------------------------

patience.
for what is meant to be.
for joy
for prosperity
for contentment.
i am not the girl
to sit and wait for
life to happen.
i rarely sit on the sidelines.
i like being out in the game.
i never know exactly
what i want.
until i lose it
or it hits me right in the face.

------------------------------------

how do you follow dreams
when you don't know what they are?
how does a life look so complete
and yet be crumbling all at once?
how can i make a difference
in such an afflicted world?
WHERE DO I BEGIN?
it all seems so simple
but still so very complex.

-----------------------------------

sometimes
i feel lost.
no thing to pull me
in one direction
or another.
no one to tell me
which way is home.
no feeling that says
this is it
this is you.
who am i really...

----------------------------------

real world
not as predicted
penny to penny
no fulfillment
only in empty bottles
that lead nowhere
and leave me with
nothing...
what is out there?
i ache to discover
love?
life?
meaning?
they must be somehwere...
so begins my search.

the wild.

2008-02-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

some days you just need a good cry/heart to heart. today was one of those days. my life lately has seemed without purpose. living each day for the next and at the end looking back at nothing. today i watched into the wild. i haven't cried that hard since the last time my heart was broken. i've always had a soft spot for adaptations of true stories but this one really, really hit home. i won't go into gory detail about the movie and dissect each part, but the one spot where i think i was hit the most was near the very end. he was writing between the lines of a book and because of his weakend state his writing was labored and slow, dragging the emotion out all the more, 'happiness only real unless shared.' and waterworks...and only slightly because i am single.
the movie was followed by an intense heart to heart conversation between myself and two of my very good friends. this past year has been one where i have learned the most about myself and releasing some of those thoughts and emotions that have been muddling in my brain for so long felt good. i am no where near knowing all there is of me but i guess that is one great adventure in life.

right now my ambition is to find purpose. maybe not quite to the extreme that chris/alex used but maybe that is why i started this blog. to have a place where i can empty my thoughts and try, somehow, to make sense of them all. my life is here for something...

music has always been my therapy. as i sit here i hear the song 'over and under' by egypt central. i am not surprised that you don't know of them but the song exemplifies some of what i feel. 'i can finally stand, i can finally breathe.' burden has kept me down for so long and i can finally say i feel like i can stand and breathe. i know that it will take so much more than a movie or a song or a good cry for the burden to be completely lifted (and maybe it never will be) but i am taking steps forward. see also 'gravity' by sara bareilles.

i have so much more to figure out but baby steps are a place to start:)

love is uphill
never a chance to take a break
only press forward
self is my obstacle

this is me...

2008-02-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

just a quick view into the life of amanda...

I
I love cheese.
I love doing laundry.
I love my bed.
I am straightforward.
I am a sarcastic person who takes things too literally sometimes.
I am oblivious.
I hate making decisions but do it quite often for other people.
I love people who make me laugh. even more, people who can challenge me to think/grow/be.
I love my family more than anything!
I am not someone to sit back and wait for things to happen. I make them happen.
I love to cozy up with a great book or great tunes or both!
I will do anything for my true friends:):):)
I am an ESFJ.
I don't play games.
I am bad at keeping in touch...:( (working on it!)
I am an amazing navigator. with just a wee bit of road rage:o)
I am sick of working weekends...i want them back...
I think my biggest weakness is men who smell good.
I will move to europe if hilary is elected president.
I would say that the best feeling in the world is slowly waking up, fully rested. looking at the clock and realizing you still have a few hours before you have to be up...did i say yet that i love my bed?
I tend to be impatient.
I am in love with music...

just the beginning...

2008-02-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

so i created this blog after urging from my sister who had recently done the same. i have yet to figure out what i will really use this as an outlet for but currently my thoughts are with andy davis. he was the inspiritation behind the naming if this blog. i have yet to dislike, in any way, the music he produces. my musical mind leans toward singer/songwriters as of lately. okay the past year or so. and in andy davis i feel i have found a musical soulmate. each song seems to speak to me, my life, my experiences in some way. except of course for the songs like 'let the woman' about the woman he loves and 'brown eyes' about a woman he encountered in passing but seems to have fallen in love with. though i could easily change words to make them work for me...i encourage those who care enough about me to read this crazy thing to also venture to www.virb.com/andydavis and check out what/who i'm talking about. prepare to be amazed...

in the future i hope to post poetry. as that is my biggest creative release but i will leave you with the wise words of andy. the song that inspired a blog...

amateurs

so this is how it feels
leaning to kiss the one you love
and she turns a cheek
tell me how it feels
watching the walls of the house that you built
start crumbling...
yeah you feel love is passing you by
one more time
but you're not surprised

we're all amateurs
heaven knows we're not perfect
we try to ge it right
keep messin' up but we're learning
when the day is done
i wanna know
how do you love someone?
how do you really love?

if you're further down the road
put up a sign
everyone will show me
which way to go
maybe you should start a fire
if your love is strong
we could just follow smoke
yeah you fell like you're broken down
waiting til the truth comes out

we're all amateurs
heaven knows we're not perfect
we try to ge it right
keep messin' up but we're learning
when the day is done
i wanna know
how do you love someone?
how do you really love someone?