i came to colorado thinking it would make my life okay. that everything would just fall into place perfectly and i would be surrounded in happiness. and for the first few months, i was right. everything was falling just how i'd wanted it. nothing out of place.
and then suddenly. thread by thread, it unravels. reality is setting in. life cannot always be perfect.
and i want to scream a little.
why can't it go right?
it all seemed so clandestined.
so perfect.
i had started painting a picture,
with more optimism than in the past.
and i want to keep the image,
without it fading to grey.
but frustration,
and disbelief crowd my thoughts.
a test it may be.
of my patience.
of my optimistic endurance.
today i will allow myself to wallow.
but tomorrow,
tomorrow i start new.
this isn't the end of the road.
only a few speed bumps along the way.
i cherish my people :) who have reassured me of my unique place in this world. who have stood beside me and made my life so worth living. who have loved me in the hardest of times. i am blessed in so many ways. life will not always be perfect. things will not always go my way. but it is these set backs and disappointments that are growing me. i'm learning, daily, what it means to be me. on my own. and when i really think about it. i love, love, love that. disappointments aside i am one lucky girl. and now, after that rant, i can't help but smile.
thank you for listening. i feel much better....
always,
amanda
